Seriously though, they’re not. I don’t mean the run-of-the-mill feminist on Twitter-verse, nor even the scores of impressionable young women empowered by the cinematic display of strength and independence of Melissa Benoist’s Supergirl and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. Some of them are hot – I admit that. But I am not talking about them. I mean to speak about the theorists: those behind the lectern, in the armchair, or occupying the faculties of Gender Studies, Women’s Studies, Sociology, or even some less fortunate faculties for Philosophy. I mean to speak about the intelligentsia of feminism, those who give the trajectory for this craziness. Now I could be wrong here: I mean, I might have missed some hotties in the midst, but from what I have seen, they have all been smashing a lot more than the patriarchy – it looks like they been smashing down too many hamburgers, or cigarettes and bottles of Jack. Rosie the Riveter they are not. Just consider the evidence:
Rebecca Kukla (AKA Cuckla)
Katherine Manne (ironic last name)
Heidi “I Nose Feminism” Savage
Lisa “Cut My Own Hair” Guenther
Andrea Dworkin (she oddly looks like Earl Sinclair in this pic – you know, that dinosaur from that 90s television show)
Betty “Punch Drunk” Friedan
Justin Weinberg ( He’s feminine enough to count, no?)
So what gives? Statistics alone should dictate that we should get at least a passable 6.5 on the scale of hotness, but we’re shooting a lot of 3s, and they get 2 just for being female. These numbers just don’t make sense unless we think that there is reason why hotties are under-represented amongst the feminists. And so I theorize: Feminists grew up in a discriminatory system of sex-selection that privileges the do-able, which then marginalizes the less-than-appealing to isolation, speed dating and perpetual virginity; hence, feminists were left hurt and embittered by the system that oppressed them; and so armed with The Feminine Mystique and whatever the hell Judith Butler is talking about, they resisted and rejected their oppression, declaring their autonomy from both it and all men. Now because feminists have no power or control within this system, nor over men (betas don’t count), they seek to control the way other people see the system and men, which then pushes feminists toward the educational system, particularly the university, because at least there someone will have to pay attention to their
nagging whining crying sour grapes criticism.
So that’s my theory. Red pilled, I know. But it is to keep in mind that feminists don’t really want their feminism: They would have been happy donning the apron, pregnant and making sandwiches, for the domesticated role is built into the natural makeup of women; but they’ve been excluded and hurt by men’s unfair, evolutionary psychology, the one that favours silly things, like a symmetrical face and a passable feminine appearance. Thus, feminists are victims of a cruel nature and evolution; and it is our job, as social justice crusaders, to correct this under-privileging, giving the most marginalized and ugly a chance for happiness – that is, a chance at a man.
So what do we do? Well, I’m calling on single men to solider up and date the un-date-ables. You don’t have to actually do anything – just date them. Or paper bag them. Or whatever else.
But just take them out so that they feel included and don’t radicalize, kinda like how we are told to treat Muslims (see link). Otherwise, we allow for the conditions that create Haslangers and Dembroffs, which is no good for anyone.
So boys, it’s time to man-up. Not me, of course, because I’m married (thank God), but for the rest, the trumpet of duty calls. Yes, it’s time to take one for the team.