How to Do Philosophy Without a Hammer

November 8, 2017 Federal Philosopher 2

Social pressure is so powerful and so is self-deception. You have to be a bit anti-social to stand your ground. Selah You can be and do anything you want and be praised for it, if only you kneel in fealty to 21st century cultural Marxism and sexual paganism. And everyone is so nice. Like me. So why shouldn’t you kneel? Why shouldn’t I? What wonderful friends. Supportive, kind, virtuous, on the right side of history. [Continue reading]

Why Do Progressives Hate History?

September 29, 2017 Federal Philosopher 4

Progressives and progressive movements are notorious for whitewashing, censoring, and attempting to re-write history. The recent statue controversy is just one example among many. Why is this a progressive impulse? History in general is the best argument against progressive ideals, so there’s that motivation. But I think there’s something deeper involved. Their endless charade of constructivist theories suggests that at the heart of progressivism is a repudiation of the fixed and unalterable. Progressives disdain anything [Continue reading]

Necessities of Country Living

July 17, 2017 Federal Philosopher 5

My husband shot and killed a groundhog today. We just moved to a house out in the country, and it’s a work in progress. Part of the work involves protecting the integrity of the house from elemental and critter damage. My husband knows I’m an animal lover, and it’s not that he isn’t, but we all know that sometimes doing unpleasant things is necessary. I didn’t understand why killing the groundhog was necessary at first. [Continue reading]

Epidemic of Strange Injuries Afflicting Professional Philosophers

May 4, 2017 Federal Philosopher 8

Emergency rooms across the country have reported a sudden wave of professional philosophers being admitted for strange injuries, leaving doctors baffled. One philosopher, Rebecca “suck my giant queer cock” Cuckla, was rushed to MedStar Georgetown University Hospital on Wednesday, writhing, contorting, and screaming in pain. After being administered a sedative, Cuckla claims to have been a victim of an act of “metaphysical violence.” The lack of apparent physical trauma led doctors to furiously search in [Continue reading]

Philosophy Professor Assaults Trump Supporters

April 20, 2017 Federal Philosopher 5

The “AntiFa” protestor who swung a bike lock into Trump supporters’ heads seems to have been identified as  philosophy professor Eric Clanton. Looks to be a charming fellow. Hopefully he will be officially identified and quickly charged with multiple counts of assault with a deadly weapon. “When Fascism comes to America, it will be called anti-Fascism.”

An Even More Modest Proposal

February 17, 2017 Federal Philosopher 5

As an avid animal rights and abortion activist, you may have been asked by a conservative, in a dishonest attempt to score rhetorical points against you, how those two positions can be consistent. “How can you with one hand fight to have the moral status of animals recognized and protected, yet not fight with the other to have the moral status of human fetuses recognized and protected?” they ask. In their book-length response to this [Continue reading]

Yes, Clark, Trump Does Represent, Thanks to the Electoral College

January 27, 2017 Federal Philosopher 2

In a recent HuffPo outburst, professional singer of Plantinga’s praises Kelly Clarkson observes, in characteristically original fashion, that if “the United States were a democracy, Donald Trump would not be president.” True enough. But also true enough, as Clark acknowledges, is the fact that the United States is not a pure democracy but a representational republic, where the president is elected not by popular vote but by the Electoral College (which he calls “weird”). Clark [Continue reading]

Hackslanger’s Fake Diversity Challenge

January 20, 2017 Federal Philosopher 3

Apparently “philosopher” SJW-in-chief Sally Haslanger has issued a “diversity fund challenge” to any and all who are unfortunate enough to read her silly Facebook posts. As reported by Daily Douche, it reads: OK, so I’m pissed off, and this is what happens when I’m pissed off. I hear people in our profession complaining about how little diversity there is…right, got it. It is SO TRUE. But some of us have been working on this for [Continue reading]

A Prudential Argument Against Homosexual Behavior

January 3, 2017 Federal Philosopher 26

Statistically speaking, practicing homosexuals are much more promiscuous than their heterosexual counterparts.* 74% of homosexual men report having more than 100 partners during their lifetime (more than half of whom were strangers), 41% more than five hundred, and 28% more than a thousand. Only 8% of homosexual men and 7% of women maintain relationships for more than 3 years. Practicing homosexual men average over 20 partners a year. Numerous studies show that same-sex relationships tend [Continue reading]

“Baby it’s Cold Outside”: Consent, Commitment, Sex, and Leftist Prudes

December 24, 2016 Federal Philosopher 4

As if we needed any further confirmation that leftists really have no clue about sex, exhibit 343,553,432 is the recent hysteria over the classic song “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” What a sexy song! Are leftists really so sexually obtuse that they can’t see that the song is about the sexual tension between a man and a woman in the throes of romance? Of course, the guy is trying to seduce her. But here’s the thing: [Continue reading]