Necessities of Country Living

July 17, 2017 Federal Philosopher 5

My husband shot and killed a groundhog today. We just moved to a house out in the country, and it’s a work in progress. Part of the work involves protecting the integrity of the house from elemental and critter damage. My husband knows I’m an animal lover, and it’s not that he isn’t, but we all know that sometimes doing unpleasant things is necessary. I didn’t understand why killing the groundhog was necessary at first. [Continue reading]

Epidemic of Strange Injuries Afflicting Professional Philosophers

May 4, 2017 Federal Philosopher 8

Emergency rooms across the country have reported a sudden wave of professional philosophers being admitted for strange injuries, leaving doctors baffled. One philosopher, Rebecca “suck my giant queer cock” Cuckla, was rushed to MedStar Georgetown University Hospital on Wednesday, writhing, contorting, and screaming in pain. After being administered a sedative, Cuckla claims to have been a victim of an act of “metaphysical violence.” The lack of apparent physical trauma led doctors to furiously search in [Continue reading]

Philosophy Professor Assaults Trump Supporters

April 20, 2017 Federal Philosopher 5

The “AntiFa” protestor who swung a bike lock into Trump supporters’ heads seems to have been identified as  philosophy professor Eric Clanton. Looks to be a charming fellow. Hopefully he will be officially identified and quickly charged with multiple counts of assault with a deadly weapon. “When Fascism comes to America, it will be called anti-Fascism.”

An Even More Modest Proposal

February 17, 2017 Federal Philosopher 5

As an avid animal rights and abortion activist, you may have been asked by a conservative, in a dishonest attempt to score rhetorical points against you, how those two positions can be consistent. “How can you with one hand fight to have the moral status of animals recognized and protected, yet not fight with the other to have the moral status of human fetuses recognized and protected?” they ask. In their book-length response to this [Continue reading]

Yes, Clark, Trump Does Represent, Thanks to the Electoral College

January 27, 2017 Federal Philosopher 2

In a recent HuffPo outburst, professional singer of Plantinga’s praises Kelly Clarkson observes, in characteristically original fashion, that if “the United States were a democracy, Donald Trump would not be president.” True enough. But also true enough, as Clark acknowledges, is the fact that the United States is not a pure democracy but a representational republic, where the president is elected not by popular vote but by the Electoral College (which he calls “weird”). Clark [Continue reading]

Hackslanger’s Fake Diversity Challenge

January 20, 2017 Federal Philosopher 3

Apparently “philosopher” SJW-in-chief Sally Haslanger has issued a “diversity fund challenge” to any and all who are unfortunate enough to read her silly Facebook posts. As reported by Daily Douche, it reads: OK, so I’m pissed off, and this is what happens when I’m pissed off. I hear people in our profession complaining about how little diversity there is…right, got it. It is SO TRUE. But some of us have been working on this for [Continue reading]

A Prudential Argument Against Homosexual Behavior

January 3, 2017 Federal Philosopher 25

Statistically speaking, practicing homosexuals are much more promiscuous than their heterosexual counterparts.* 74% of homosexual men report having more than 100 partners during their lifetime (more than half of whom were strangers), 41% more than five hundred, and 28% more than a thousand. Only 8% of homosexual men and 7% of women maintain relationships for more than 3 years. Practicing homosexual men average over 20 partners a year. Numerous studies show that same-sex relationships tend [Continue reading]

“Baby it’s Cold Outside”: Consent, Commitment, Sex, and Leftist Prudes

December 24, 2016 AR-15 4

As if we needed any further confirmation that leftists really have no clue about sex, exhibit 343,553,432 is the recent hysteria over the classic song “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” What a sexy song! Are leftists really so sexually obtuse that they can’t see that the song is about the sexual tension between a man and a woman in the throes of romance? Of course, the guy is trying to seduce her. But here’s the thing: [Continue reading]

A More Honest Statement from the APA

December 9, 2016 Walter Montgomery 34

In a typical display of thoughtfulness, the American Politicized Association (formerly the American Philosophical Association) board of officers unanimously approved and issued the statement below concerning the election: Take a gander at the presentation titles they’re proudly advertising. We have taken the liberty to re-write the APA’s statement in a way that exposes their implicit biases, followed by a list of talks that might be advertised if the APA sanctioned a different political vision: 2017 [Continue reading]

The Pedagogy Paradox for Conservative Professors

December 6, 2016 Federal Philosopher 14

Conservative philosophy professor Daniel Bonevac (University of Texas at Austin) has decided no longer to teach his popular ethics class with a thirty-year pedigree, Contemporary Moral Problems. The reason, he explained to The College Fix, is that “it’s not possible to teach the course the way I used to teach it.” Why? Because “students clam up as soon as conversation veers close to anything controversial and one side might be viewed as politically incorrect. The [Continue reading]